Kids need manuals

OMG I'm having an anxiety attack... dang pampers.com website sending me articles on parenting and the mommy-guilt is full force. UGH! I'm doing my best, Mike is such a happy guy. We do 2 classes a week, music and a gym class (MyGym). I try to get in playdates, we go shopping, I play with him naming colors, shapes, animals. I sign as much as I can and I think that falls on "blind eyes". But I start reading these Q&A's about stuff and am freaking out that I've just been doing this all wrong.1. I don't brush his teeth *every* day. Probably 3-4x a week b/c he is so squirmy to it now that his molars are in. I'm convinced now that he'll have a lifetime of tooth decay and root-canals.2. I don't read to him a story everyday. We talk, we sing, but reading? Have you MET my kid? He won't hold still long enough to get through the 1st verse of Humpty Dumpty, let alone the Pokey Little Puppy! I'm sure he'll be behind in vocabulary and that it's going to effect his, well, his everything.3. The tv's on grown-up shows around him. Usually. But he doesn't watch them. I know he's picking up on stuff and will become a mob-hit-man, or an interior designer (the latter being pretty handy actually). Or... I am totally serious when I say he pays no attention to the tv. Seasame Street, Let's Go Show, Telletubbies, nothing keeps his attention for more than like a minute at most. 4. I give him a bottle occasionally AND he still uses a binky (but only at night). Its soothing for him and helps him chill out. Convinced he's going to have huge oral fixations as a result, be a smoker, a nail biter, over eater, etc.5. He doesnt like milk. He'll only drink like 5-7 oz a day. I give him cheese, yogurt and butter for calcium and fat, but what kid doesn't like milk? I'm going to be that wacky mom, aren't I?I know there's more but I can't think right now. Can we say "too many hormones?" Someone peel me off the ceiling, please!!!

No, I didn't fall off the planet

But I do have a few choice words for people:

Just because I walk right by you doensn't mean I'm not talking to you.

You're one little change in your diet isn't going to do a damn thing for your cholesterol. Losing the 50 pounds you desperately need to will though.

I'm not dramatic, I'm worried.

It's the little things in friendship that define it. When there are no little things, there's not a friendship.

That's great that you're really into wine, but you're not that cool if you can't pronounce sommellier correctly.

No, I don't want to help plant flowers. Yes I like them. No, I don't want to help. Really.

Just b/c I'm 10 years younger than you doesn't mean I'm not serious about what we're doing.

When someone talks to you, esp a certain group of people, you'd better be paying attention.

Dishes in the sink are not in the dishwasher. They don't get in the dishwasher on their own either. If you can replace a hip, you can load a dishwasher correctly.

When I say to keep my private life (my life in general) private, I mean it. Like how celebrities simply say "That's my private life, I'm not answering that question or discussing it." Learn how to do that.

If she's that way at 45, I would hate to see her at 65.

Don't give me the excuse that you don't have a dollar for the LFAI, tell me why you didn't give in the 1st place.

Two pounds over my clinically ideal body weight is not "fat". When I have to adjust your weight to calculate your BMR, that's fat.

You'd have a great coat of fur if you didn't shed every time you turn around.

The dog's dish is not a buffet. Organic salmon and sweet potato, yes, but still, not a buffet.

Long Grove is not in Iowa. Stop acting like it is.

Really, the ball isn't something you personally want to go to. Trust me. Watching people toss around thousands of dollars is going to do nothing good for your self-esteem.

Just take the pills and don't tell anyone. If you don't tell anyone, who the hell will know? You take a freakin' baby aspirin daily, take those too. The world will be a nicer place for all of us.

It's a small world. Don't talk negatively about my friends to another one of my friends. Or if you're going to criticize, be constructive and choose those words carefully.

The world is not all freakin' rainbows and puppies. Do you need me to lift the rock you live under?

There are some things I refuse to accept. Ever. I dont care if it will be bad for me in the long run. Please do not try to change my mind but see things from my POV instead.

The relationships we have with our dad's are COMPLETELY different. I'll handle this my way, now see the previous statement.

If you smoke, you're stupid. If you do it exactly 15 feet from the door AND upwind, you're an asshole.

I know what I'm eating. I didn't go to school for 7 years to not know. Do you know what you're NOT eating?

Plastic earrings are tacky. Very tacky. Right up there with hose and open toed sandals.


I think that's all I can manage to spew out right now. Whomever is brewing in me has got me in SUCH a mood and I can't tell people (well, not everyone) what I think, so it's all hear for your entertainment.

Enjoy and maybe learn a thing or two. Maybe something up there applies to you....